Here’s another thing that I learned on my August hiatus—–not learned really, but was reminded of yet again. That is the power of friendships.
I had the privilege of spending time with old friends — walking the beach with some, telling silly stories that we all had heard a million times before with others, and enjoying being in the presence of people who mean so much to me and enrich my life. I especially was reminded of this at a reunion weekend with 14 of my college sorority sisters. We gathered on the shores of Lake Michigan to touch base, renew our friendships and form even more lasting ties. We heard stories of happiness, stories of sadness, stories of accomplishment and stories of strength and fortitude in the face of daunting odds. We showed our support for each other in both large and small ways, and we were reminded of what brought us together so many years ago.
Staying connected was not always easy for us. When we graduated from college and were scattered to the four corners of the earth for job opportunities or to support an unpopular war, we forfeited our traditional way to stay in touch. It was all telephone land lines in those days, so when we moved, we got new telephone numbers. As a result, there were many years between land lines and cell phones and e-mail and Face Book when I literally lost my friends.
Thankfully, all that has changed. You—and I—-have the capability today to reach out to our friends in a matter of seconds, no matter where they are in the world. We can catch up on lives that otherwise might have been lost to us. That is a gift, and we should not take it for granted.
My friendships with women are particularly valuable for me. Women supporting women is a key element in the quest for balance that I discuss in both of my books, and I speak about it often. Women friends ground you, help you focus on what is important and pay huge benefits in your life.
This same theme is evident in the lives of very powerful women. When Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was gunned down in Arizona several years ago, her women friends—fellow Congresswomen— held vigil by her hospital bedside until she woke up. They called themselves her “girlfriends”, and they did not let their celebrity profiles get in the way of their values.
I value my women friends, and I look forward to Book Club and other gatherings of women each month. I have enjoyed working with women to support various charities over the years, and I love interfacing with so many women, young and older, through Best Friends at the Bar. I also know that these friendships benefit me in ways that are not always obvious. In “What are friends For? A Longer Life” the New York Times reports that, in the quest for better health, many people overlook a powerful weapon that can help them fight illness and depression, speed recovery, slow aging and prolong life: their friends. The article quotes a University of North Carolina professor on the role of friendships in our lives:
“In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. “There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.”
On the plane coming home from the sorority reunion, I sat next to a woman who told me that it is established that married men live longer than single men (presumably because of the support the married men get from their wives) and that women with women friends live longer than any other category. She did not give me a source, so I cannot document it. But, it makes perfect sense to me. If that does not convince you of the power of women and their friendships, nothing will!
So, for fun, reach back in your life for a moment. E-mail, text or call someone who was important to you but who has recently been lost in your life. Or call someone who is still very much in your life just to say “hello and I am thinking of you.” For sure, that person will have a better day, and YOU will, too. Take the time, make the effort, and do yourself a big favor……….for your emotional well-being and for your health.
Just do it! You will be happy that you did, and so will your cherished friends.
