Have you heard of the Motherhood Penalty, as it relates to mother/lawyers?

A lot has been written about it. Most recently, Harvard Law School published an article describing the challenges faced by caregivers working in the legal profession, especially women with children (http://hls.harvard.edu/today/working-lawyers-and-the-motherhood-panelty/). The purpose of the article was to explore the reasons why mothers in the legal profession are much more likely to feel perceived as “less competent and less committed” than their male colleagues with children and their colleagues without children.

Even though women now outnumber men in law school, women are the primary caretakers of their children and of household tasks. Because women are doing a disproportionate amount of the labor at home, keeping up with the demands of billable hours can be very challenging. With mothers responsible for more of the caretaking of children, especially, it is hard for the women to be able to compete at the same level as colleagues without those responsibilities. These circumstances eventually lead to a pay gap between women and men and fewer opportunities for advancement, missed work opportunities, and difficulties in finding sponsors.

This has been going on for years, and women lawyers have suffered the disadvantages and the penalties. I know it well. At the time that it was decided that I would become the first woman partner in my first law firm, my future looked very rosy. That is, until I announced that I was pregnant with my first child. Then everything changed for me. That was in 1983, a time that you may view as the dark ages, but, although the situation has improved for women lawyers in the intervening years, many of the same challenges remain. Those challenges are real, they are significant, and they can be very harmful to careers.

BUT, please do not misunderstand me and spare me the negative feedback. That is no reason why women lawyers should not have children. I have two, and they have been the greatest joys of my life. But, they did complicate things in my professional life. However, like so many other women lawyers, I handled it. I persevered. I reinvented myself countless times to continue in a profession I loved, and I thrived. But it was much more difficult than it should have been. It still is for too many mother lawyers, and firms need to pay greater attention to the challenges mother/lawyers face if they want to retain the significant talent that women lawyers represent.

But now, there seems to be a very different approach being advanced. In a recent article in Law.com, two women lawyers at a very prestigious law firm turn the issue of these challenges and the realities upside down. In “The Motherhood Advantage in Law: Time to Flip the Script” (https://www.law.com/americanlawyer/2025/01/10/), the authors argue that, because “a working mother’s early-to-mid career teaches efficiency, delegation, and executive functioning far more effectively than a management training course, it is time to bid goodbye to the ‘motherhood penalty’ and embrace the ‘motherhood advantage’.” The authors make good arguments about the value of time management resilience, empathy, and relationship building that working mothers acquire and demonstrate, but the conclusion that these skills result in a motherhood advantage is a bridge too far for me. I believe that the burden should not fall on the women alone and that law firms need to be involved in the solution to the disparity between the experiences of male parents and female parents in the practice of law. It is what should be expected in this day and age, and I am not willing to push the motherhood penalty under the rug so easily.

What do you think?

The holidays typically present stresses, especially the December holidays.  Knowing how to handle these stresses is important to surviving them and safeguarding your wellness.

My first topic this week is hopefully a “one-off ” and involves very bad decision making that certainly added to the stress of the holidays for one law student.  As reported by several news sources, a pregnant second-year student, whose baby was due on December 2, 2024, a date that fell within the exam period at her law school, requested permission to take exams early to avoid delivering her baby during the exam period and missing exams.  The administration at Georgetown Law initially denied her request because it was considered to be “inequitable to other non-birthing students.” That denial angered fellow students, who lodged a petition in support of the request, causing administrators to reconsider their denial.  Although a reasonable accommodation was reached with the mother-to-be, the actions of the administration offend me in my role as advocate for women lawyers, and the fact that it happened at my law alma mater especially disappoints me.

My second topic concerns how young lawyers can deal with holiday stress, and I also draw on my background for this information.  I am a member of the Virginia Bar, and I was pleased to see an article in the December issue of the Virginia Lawyer hilighting this important subject.  The most important messages for young lawyers addressed there include the following:  Setting boundaries with both family and professional colleagues during an especially busy and hectic season; Practicing mindfulness by staying “in the moment,” remaining positive and not requiring perfection in every situation; And providing as much personal time and self-care as possible.

This is very good advice — but it takes a purposeful and direct approach.  Be respectful when articulating your needs, and don’t forget to express gratitude for the cooperation of others in helping you get through the holidays and enjoy the season.

I am writing this blog just days after the 2024 national elections, at a time when issues affecting women’s health, including the right to abortion and procedures like in vitro fertilization, were on the ballots in some states and on the minds of many voters.  The election results demonstrated once again, however, as women know so well, that progress on women’s issues is hard won.  Some times we have to fight the same battle over and over and over again to be victorious.

Even though the issues affecting women at large fell short in this election, it does not mean that the issues lack importance or that we should give up on advocating for them at every turn.  And that is similarly true of the issues affecting women lawyers, which also need greater awareness and heightened advocacy.

One very important such issue falls squarely under the umbrella of the work-life challenge.  The disparate treatment experienced by women lawyers after they become mothers touches so many young women lawyers, and it is another of the issues affecting women that is defined by progress achieved over a long continuum.

For women lawyers like me, who had their children in the 1980’s, it was hardly a surprise to find that, once we became mothers, our dedication to our profession and our opportunities in the profession were questioned and attacked by employers.  Because we did not have the advocacy groups which exist today, we were forced to take whatever the men in power around us were willing to give us.  And, as it turned out, that was not much.  As unsatisfactory as those results were, we hoped for more for our daughters.  But did we get it?

A 2023 survey would lead us to think that the answer is no.  That survey, conducted by the American Bar Association (ABA) Commission on Women in the Profession, found that mothers in the legal profession are much more likely to feel perceived “as less competent and less committed” than their male colleagues with children or other colleagues without children.  Interestingly, the survey showed that 60% of mother lawyers working in law firms settings had this perception, while only 25% of male lawyers with children experienced that same perception.  Most of the new lawyer dads continued their practices business as usual, with the exception that many of them worked more hours after they became dads.  (Hmmmm.  Wonder what is behind that. I will leave it to your musings.)

Recently, that ABA survey was the subject of a panel at Harvard Law School.  Part of the discussion centered on the choices that lawyer moms had in “the old days.”  The consequences of the motherhood penalty then included women leaving jobs and, in some cases, leaving the workforce altogether.  It also was discussed that the women who experienced the penalty in the early years likely were not members of the “sandwich generation” —  perhaps because they were younger when they became mothers than many first time women lawyers are today.  Many lawyer moms today are caring for aging parents as well as children because women are having children into their 40’s and their parents are living longer.  So the impact of the motherhood penalty may be even more significant today.

With these facts, it is more important than ever that law firm managers look carefully at the perceptions of the value of mother lawyers at their firms and the adverse effects of firm policies based on those perceptions.  It is also important that law organizations and women lawyers affinity groups make the subject a priority for their members.

If the billable hour continues to be the primary measure of individual values and family values are not prioritized by law firms, lawyer mothers will continue to be disadvantaged.  It is no secret that the largest share of caretaking responsibilities land on women, and, with only so many hours in the day, too often lawyer moms become discouraged and succumb to self doubt.  They begin to believe that they are not good enough at the office and not good enough at home.

Harsh consequences like that are not productive and can be very harmful.   My experience tells me that increased attention to these inequities need to be addressed sooner rather than later.

For more information on the survey, check out this website.

I did some important Best Friends at the Bar research lately.  Should have done it earlier.  Sure glad I did it.

As you may know, the Best Friends at the Bar project consists of weekly blogs on the website, articles in mainstream legal media, speeches at law schools, law organizations and law firms throughout the country, and a book series for all young lawyers and their mentors and managers.

Over the more than 15 years of Best Friends at the Bar, I have written hundreds of blogs and scores of articles, including monthly columns for the ABA Journal, spoken at nearly 100 venues across the country and abroad, and written five books, which are available through leading publishers.  I am proud of that record.

But what matters most to me is how many young lawyers I have reached with my positive advice for career satisfaction and advancement.  That is much harder, if not impossible, to calculate.  I can reflect on ballrooms full of young lawyers and other members of bar associations.  I can recall law school lecture rooms with no available seating, and I can remember law firm venues equally well attended by young lawyers and their managers.  But that is not hard and fast emperical data.

So, I got busy analyzing my book royalty statements.  And, to my delight, I found that at least 20,000 of my books are in circulation.   That means that I have reached a minimum of that number of readers.  Not exactly NY Times best seller status, but the audience of young lawyers is discrete, if not niche. So 20,000 books sold is very good news from my perspective.

If you are a behind any of those statistics, thank you.  A writer without readers is a lonely existence, and a speaker without audiences is just plain embarrassing!

Best Friends at the Bar is for you, and it has been my pleasure and honor to discuss issues with you and include your concerns in my writings.  Be assured that I have been listening and have done my level best in giving you the kind of candid advice that will help to advance you in your profession — advance you and assure that you will become responsible and responsive mentors to the lawyers of the future.

Above The Law reported recently about an American Bar Association Young Lawyers Division survey showing that 31 per cent of Big Law associates making $200K or more are afraid to take vacations.  Why?  Because they consider time away from the office as risky for promotions or salary increases.  This is shocking — and harmful to both young lawyers and law firms.

First, law firms should insist that young lawyers take vacations.  Law firms should not punish young lawyers for what was a condition of their employment.  Seasoned lawyers should know that vacations are necessary to restore and recharge individual lawyers and to assure the best work products for the benefit of the firm.

Some firms may not be sending this message clearly enough.  It is easy to talk the talk, but it needs to be more than lip service.  Or it may be just cheap rhetoric to compete for the best talent.

And second, young lawyers must become better at looking out for themselves.  My most recent book, New Lawyer Launch — The Handbook for Young Lawyers (Full Court Press, 2023), can help with that.  The book includes material under headings “Pay Attention to Work-Life Balance” and “Get a Grip on Your Wellness” within the larger context of career planning.  I emphasize paying close attention to time away from work as a long-range career strategy, and my book contributors agree.  However, had I known at the time I wrote New Lawyer Launch that nearly 1/3 of all experienced Big Law associates hesitate taking vacation for fear of the salary and promotion repercussions,  I would have devoted an entire chapter of that book to “TAKE VACATION!”  I might have included sample destinations and itineraries to make it easier for you.  I might have volunteered to drive you to the airport.

Seriously … just do it!  For your sake, for the sake of your family and loved ones, and for the sake of your career.  Not emphasizing your wellness can reflect poorly on your judgment, and a lawyer without good judgment is like a fish without water.  The long-range prospects are not good for either.

And you must dispel any notions that you are impressing supervisors and managers with a decision to forego vacation.  It just does not work that way.  They don’t even notice.

So, it is time to start planning your next vacation and to take it when the time comes.  Start planning next year’s vacation NOW.  And if you suffer the repercussions you fear after taking that vacation, consider the possibility that you may be in the wrong workplace.  Learning that lesson early is invaluable.

Bon voyage!  Happy hiking!  Embrace the waves!  Whatever suits you.  JUST DO IT!