I regret to report that I have been targeted again by phishers and fraudsters on the Internet. It is a really disturbing and uncomfortable experience, and it can become serious if you fail to pay close attention to unsolicited emails and offers and continue to communicate with the senders.

I had forgotten how disturbing it is to be targeted in this way, and I now know that the phishers and fraudsters are getting very sophisticated. In my case, they purport to be very interested in my books and accurately reference some of the content. They sound very legitimate UNTIL a close look at the wording of the email discloses the voice of AI, which draws from content on websites and other personal information sources in the public domain.

Many of these phishers and fraudsters are assuming false identities and are using the names and titles of other people. So a search on Linkedin or Facebook or your other search tool of choice will confirm the identity of the person the email sender purports to be and can lure you into a false state of security. You feel like you have done your due diligence, but it is not enough.

You need to take additional steps. You need to check the email address of the sender and compare it with the email address of the actual person you have discovered in your search. If the emails are different, it should be a huge red flag that you are dealing with someone who has stolen an identity.

And if the email includes a photo of the sender, compare that photo with the photo you found on Facebook or another search source. If the photos are different, you have further proof that someone wants to do you harm. And if there is no photo on the email, a Zoom call will accomplish the same verification — or lack of it.

The bottom line is that you absolutely must not send money or your work product or anything else you value to these people. I know of one lawyer, someone I respect very much, who did that, and lived to regret it. Lawyers are vulnerable to flattery just like anyone else.

This kind of fraud is running rampant today. Get the protections you need and be diligent. And if you are attacked by someone who has stolen an identity, report it to the victim of the identity theft. And to law enforcement. This is very serious stuff.

As we celebrated Mothers Day last weekend, I was thinking of all the lawyer-moms, and the lawyer-dads, as well, who are not only caretakers for their children but also primary caretakers for their aged parents or other family members. Known as the “Sandwich Generation,” it can be a very heavy lift. The logistical demands as well as the physical and mental demands can be very weighty.

Approximately 23 per cent of Americans are classified as part of the Sandwich Generation, and they are involved in a balancing act that they probably did not anticipate. As lawyers, we already have enough of a balancing act just taking care of our professional responsibilities and the needs of our nuclear families, and adding even more responsibilities gets very complicated. The responsibilities of caring for an aging parent may involve being an advocate and also managing legal, medical and emotional issues from a distance. The combination of managing all of this and the needs of your own family can lead to burnout and anxiety, flavored with a large dose of guilt from time to time. And it also can take a physical toll and lead to exhaustion. So taking care of your own health has to be a priority.

One of the most valuable lessons any member of the Sandwich Generation can learn is the importance of delegation. It can be accomplished through hiring outside staff to help with the aging parent or other relative and also delegating as much as possible at the office. Many of us are not good at delegating in our professional lives, and this is a time to improve that skill. Technology also can be your friend in these situations. It can help you with remote meetings with doctors and other support staff and also to connect on a more regular and meaningful way with your loved one via FaceTime and other similar programs. I remember well discovering a machine that operating over the telephone lines and would transmit my email to my aging mother miles away AND print it for her. I sent an email to mom as the last thing I did every night before going to sleep, and when she died I found them all safely tucked away in boxes in her closet.

Another issue is the financial drain of being in the Sandwich Generation. If you are a person who is already struggling financially to care for your own family, adding financial responsibilities for another person or persons can be a game changer. It can force you to change your priorities against your will.

We all love our aging relatives, and we want to help them through the difficult years at the ends of their lives. However, we need help ourselves. The essential legal documents for these situations can help with some of the burden. Make sure you have the proper powers of attorney and health care directives. There are also several kinds of trusts that can help those in the Sandwich Generation to manage assets for a loved one as well. You need to sit down with your estate planning lawyer to get the help you need. The sooner, the better so that you are prepared when the time comes.

Hats off to all the lawyer-moms and lawyer-dads who are dealing with these issues today. It is not easy for you.

I have learned along the way that work-life balance really has little to do with balance. It is all about priorities in the moment and hoping for some equilibrium over time. One week the priorities will be weighted more toward life and home and the next week the priorities will be weighted in the opposite direction. Work for lawyers is not a nine-to-five job, and equal treatment and true balance cannot be expected at all times. It is a struggle.

Throughout the struggle, we never can forget the importance of family. I was reminded of that last weekend at our Blakely family gathering in beautiful Virginia, with fly-ins from abroad by our State Department cousins. And, in July, the Smith family will convene in Montana for some fun on the ranch and catching up with the fly fishing contingent from Argentina. We always work like mad in the weeks leading up to the these events so that we can give our full attention to our loved ones while we are with them. Yet, we recognize that it doesn’t always work out that way.

In my book, The New Balance for Today’s Woman Lawyer, I offer a multitude of assists to help lawyer/moms achieve as close to a reasonable balance as possible. But I know how difficult that can be, and I do not make judgments. However, when I do hear something that sounds off kilter, I call it out.

For example, recently I read a response by a newly-minted woman law partner when she was asked “How do you juggle being a working mom?” Her response was “Sometimes things drop. Sometimes you’re going to miss things. Sometimes you’re going to miss a child’s birthday party, maybe even your own child’s.” Although I did not disagree with her, I also was pretty sure that it was the “tough” response she was after and that she had little experience sacrificing such important events. If she had, her response would have been much more thoughtful and would have acknowledged that choices like that can break a parent’s heart even if it is the right choice.

I have some experience with that. I missed my own child’s 4th birthday party because I was preparing for a trial that started the following day. I did not wear it as a badge of courage or talk about it as an example of how dedicated I was to the practice of law. I knew that sometimes you cannot avoid it, that stuff happens and clients depend on you. It does not mean that you do not love your child, but a sacrifice like that also should not be taken lightly.

So, if you had asked me that same question “How do you juggle being a working mom?” I would have answered without the bravado but with a recognition that the choices can be very, very hard. But we must be prepared to make them.

You notice that I did not say which child’s birthday party I missed. I will let my two kids duke it out over who mom loves the most. Is it the corporate lawyer or the prosecutor? I am happy to be a mere bystander on that one!

Yesterday was a sobering reminder of what is so wrong in American society today. The murder of conservative operative Charlie Kirk because of his political beliefs runs so contrary to who and what we should strive to be as a nation. As we should know by now, this kind of violence has its beginning in uncivil discourse.

Today I share with you words I wrote almost five years ago and included in my most recent book, New Lawyer Launch: the Handbook for Young Lawyers (Full Court Press, 2022). Although these words are directed at young lawyers, they have a much broader application throughout our society.

“At one time, respect and decency and honorable behavior were givens in the law profession. This no longer is true today. A fever of disrespect and indecency has seeped into our society and institutions, and it is infecting the legal profession. The manifestations of this fever are name-calling, derision, intimidation, bullying, distortion of the truth, and a lack of caring about the welfare of others. Too many lawyers have abandoned their professional responsibilities and become part of a broader societal problem. Some call it “cancel culture” and some call it just plain wrong.”

“Civil discourse especially has declined in recent years in the law profession. Lawyers relish in disagreement and abusive and unprofessional language to describe colleagues, parties to disputes, opposing counsel, and others who do not agree with them, and willingness to compromise seems to be at an all-time low.”

“I have been writing about decency and its importance to the honorable practice of law for almost a decade. Never, however, has that subject seemed more important and relevant to me than it does today. My 2020 ABA Journal column “The Power of Decency in the Legal Profession” includes an expanded discussion of this endemic problem, and my earlier 2016 article in Corporate Counsel addressed the toxicity of the law profession that existed then and carries over in many legal settings today.”

Although these articles were written years ago, I believe that they have even greater application today. The views expressed there also are expressed eloquently in a Substack article today by Honorable Patrick J. Murphy which I also recommend to you. In that article, Mr. Murphy writes specifically about the assassination of Charlie Kirk and the imperative need to turn down the temperature of our dialogue and increase our tolerance for opposing beliefs.

Civility should be the goal for all lawyers and the broader population as well. It is important that we demonstrate respect, dignity, and civil discourse in our disagreements and debates because the public is watching us, judging us, and emulating our behavior and conduct.

The failure to rise to this goal is a large part of what has lead to the frightening and toxic state of our society today, as exemplified by the events of yesterday and the far too many other senseless acts of violence in recent years. We must put a stop to the underlying erosion of civil discourse while we still can.

I urge all Americans to prioritize accomplishing this goal.