My last blog explored the “Opt Out” experience and the women of the early 2000s, especially, who received very positive societal and media attention for the decision to abandon professions and careers to stay home with their children.
As chronicled in the recent article in the New York Times, “The Opt-Out Generation Wants Back In,” the choice to opt out of successful and promising careers seemed easy and logical for many women. Once they had children, they found that their work and professional lives became very complicated, challenging and disappointing. Working part-time did not appeal to them because they felt “marginalized” and like “second-class citizens.” So, they left. They walked out on professions and jobs they had nurtured for years, and they never looked back.
Or did they? It seems like looking back is the hardest part. Lives have changed for the women profiled in the article. Marriages have failed, and running the school auction did not turn out to be as satisfying as some had imagined. Attitudes about the negative effects of working mothers on the development of their children are being questioned, and sociologists are now talking about a fear of excessive mothering. It is all very confusing, and some of these women clearly feel like they were “snookered” somewhere along the way.
Some dealt with it better than others. There is the Opt-Out woman, who, in spite of leaving the workplace, stayed connected and volunteered at high levels to maintain her social network. She was able to jump back in to become an assistant dean at a law school. She reminds me of myself. I, too, took some time off to be at home with two small children when my husband and I found that, possibly, two trial attorneys should not be allowed to have children! Like this woman, I got involved in high-stakes charitable ventures and kept my ambitions and talents visible to those who could positively affect my future. Although it worked for me, that was a different time and place. With a still teetering economy and less than desirable employment figures, I do not advise it today.
Not all of the stories ended on high notes, and it has been much more difficult for some women. Of the women surveyed for one of the studies cited in the article, 89 per cent of the “off-ramped” women wanted to get back into the workplace, but only 73 per cent were able to do so, and only 40 per cent got full-time jobs. Most of the jobs these women returned to paid less and had far less responsibility than the jobs they had left years before. Their confidence had waned, and they felt much less empowered.
This is a comprehensive article, and I am only giving you the highlights here. Consider it research, file it away, and access it when you need it. It does not begin to resolve the age-old debate about the benefits of feeding your professional aspirations and those of always putting family first, but it does open our eyes to some of the issues surrounding the Opt-Out decision and why it needs to be carefully considered and crafted.
For me, there was an echo in the room. Be careful what you wish for … you just might get it.
