How good a negotiator are you? Do you leave a lot on the table or do you drive a hard bargain?
Negotiating is one of the areas where women are typically described as weak, although there are many exceptions. I shared information with you last month from Victoria Pynchon of Forbes on-line blog She Negotiates. Victoria is profiled in my new book, Best Friends at the Bar: The New Balance for Today’s Woman Lawyer, that will be released by Wolters Kluwer Law & Business in July. I know that you will enjoy her story and her sage advice there.
Here are more tips on negotiating to hone your skills that I think are important to add. This comes from the UK on-line source Womaneer in a December issue several years ago. I filed it away for just the right moment, and, like so many things I file away, I just discovered it again. The motivation for the Womaneer article was a 2010 episode of the BBC’s The Apprentice, which tested women’s negotiating skills against men’s. The women failed miserably, treating the exercise more like a treasure hunt than a serious negotiation. According to the article, the women did not want to come across as rude or aggressive. Also, according to the article, the men did not care about those things. No surprise there.
Here are the “Nine Negotiating Tips for Women” that were offered by the Womaneer contributor, with a little of my commentary thrown in for good measure:
1. Leave emotions out of it. Negotiating in the workplace is business. Treat it like business.
2. Control your nerves. Breathe deeply, yoga style.
3. Ignore the whiny voice in your ear—your inner critic. Just get the job done.
4. Don’t take it personally. A rejection in price or terms is not a rejection of YOU and all you stand for. Again, it is business, and you should treat it like business.
5. Pretend you are negotiating on behalf of someone else. This is particularly important in personal negotiations like salary and benefit terms. Pretend you are asking for something for your beloved grandma. That should make you go for the jugular.
6. Act like an adult. Don’t fall apart when you do not get what you want. Prepare better for the next negotiation.
7. Don’t be apologetic. No way! Be firm and pleasant and confident.
8. Be assertive, not aggressive. You know from reading my book that there is a big difference. Keep your voice matter of fact and do not lapse into belligerence.
8. Value yourself. Put a true value on your contribution when you are negotiation for yourself, and be prepared to walk away if you do not get it. That is the test of true value—anything less is untrue and unacceptable, and you must treat it that way.
9. Be prepared. This one is my addition to the list. In all things, be prepared. That means anticipating your response to both the positive and the negative. Practice. It makes perfect.
I can particularly relate to #5 above, Pretend you’re negotiating on behalf of someone else. This happened to me one day last year. I was in Brooklyn with my daughter in pursuit of a perfect piece of furniture for her living room that she had found for sale on Craig’s List. It was priced above her capability to pay, and she wanted my help in closing the deal on terms favorable to her. The seller was so sweet, and it was clear that she did not want to give up the item at all—at any price. And, if I had been negotiating just for myself, I am sure that I would have let her apparent emotions affect my drive for the deal. But, I was negotiating for my daughter, the law student who is very limited in terms of discretionary spending, and who clearly really wanted the item. So, the best of my negotiating skills went to work, and we left Brooklyn with a lovely piece of furniture and a very happy law student—with the furniture strapped on the back of a truck that we had brought to sweeten the deal! (After all, the seller’s husband, who was insisting on departing with the item, did not have to cart it down the three flights of stairs or, worse, deliver it.)
Keep this list handy for your next negotiation. I guarantee that you will see an improvement in your bargaining skills.
For more of the womaneer article, see http://womaneer.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/nine-negotiating tips.
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