As we celebrated Mothers Day last weekend, I was thinking of all the lawyer-moms, and the lawyer-dads, as well, who are not only caretakers for their children but also primary caretakers for their aged parents or other family members. Known as the “Sandwich Generation,” it can be a very heavy lift. The logistical demands as well as the physical and mental demands can be very weighty.
Approximately 23 per cent of Americans are classified as part of the Sandwich Generation, and they are involved in a balancing act that they probably did not anticipate. As lawyers, we already have enough of a balancing act just taking care of our professional responsibilities and the needs of our nuclear families, and adding even more responsibilities gets very complicated. The responsibilities of caring for an aging parent may involve being an advocate and also managing legal, medical and emotional issues from a distance. The combination of managing all of this and the needs of your own family can lead to burnout and anxiety, flavored with a large dose of guilt from time to time. And it also can take a physical toll and lead to exhaustion. So taking care of your own health has to be a priority.
One of the most valuable lessons any member of the Sandwich Generation can learn is the importance of delegation. It can be accomplished through hiring outside staff to help with the aging parent or other relative and also delegating as much as possible at the office. Many of us are not good at delegating in our professional lives, and this is a time to improve that skill. Technology also can be your friend in these situations. It can help you with remote meetings with doctors and other support staff and also to connect on a more regular and meaningful way with your loved one via FaceTime and other similar programs. I remember well discovering a machine that operating over the telephone lines and would transmit my email to my aging mother miles away AND print it for her. I sent an email to mom as the last thing I did every night before going to sleep, and when she died I found them all safely tucked away in boxes in her closet.
Another issue is the financial drain of being in the Sandwich Generation. If you are a person who is already struggling financially to care for your own family, adding financial responsibilities for another person or persons can be a game changer. It can force you to change your priorities against your will.
We all love our aging relatives, and we want to help them through the difficult years at the ends of their lives. However, we need help ourselves. The essential legal documents for these situations can help with some of the burden. Make sure you have the proper powers of attorney and health care directives. There are also several kinds of trusts that can help those in the Sandwich Generation to manage assets for a loved one as well. You need to sit down with your estate planning lawyer to get the help you need. The sooner, the better so that you are prepared when the time comes.
Hats off to all the lawyer-moms and lawyer-dads who are dealing with these issues today. It is not easy for you.
