Best Friends at the Bar is for and about women lawyers and those who lead them.  Although it is about career success for women lawyers, some of the messages also apply to women in business.  That is why I speak to women’s business groups as well as women in law.  I also write about issues of general interest in the law profession, but I do not often go beyond that.  Today is an exception.

Today I ask you for a point of professional courtesy.  Today I want to tell you about a woman of substance, who was not a lawyer or a business woman, and who had a huge impact on my life.  My Mom, Virginia Treganza Smith, died last week at the age of 101, and she was a force.  I was with her at the end, and she inspired me in death just as she had in life.

At the assisted living in Wisconsin that she called home for the last six years of her life, Mom was referred to as “an icon.”  She went to every activity and program at her new home, she did her exercises routinely, she continued to read books and newspapers daily, and she refused to accept much help as she navigated the hallways in her walker.  According to Mom, there was no excuse good enough for failing to try.  Other residents took heart in that and appreciated her example.  At 99, she told the assisted living staff that she had a lot of free time and needed a job.  So, she started folding clothes and towels to take pressure off the staff.  I wrote about it in a blog then, and I admired her spirit and her need to continue to make a contribution and to remain relevant.

Virginia (Ginny) Treganza graduated from college (the University of Wisconsin) in the 1930’s, spending some semesters sitting out and working to pay the expenses of the following semester.  It took her longer than four years to graduate, and I am grateful for that because it gave her time to meet my Dad.  After graduation, she taught high school English for several years, and she spent 2 1/2 years alone with a toddler, my brother, while my father served his country in the European Theater during WW II.

She was an independent woman, and she did not complain when she was challenged.  She served on a board of directors when few women did, and she volunteered for charities and worthy causes in her community.  Her first priority was that her children have the best educations possible, and she was a great sounding board for my father in his law practice.  She had impressive instincts about people and their trustworthiness, and my Dad counted on that.  She was also an avid golfer, having learned in her teens when women golfers were scarce.  She and her father taught my Dad to golf, and she never failed to admonish Dad for the breach of golf etiquette when he walked in front of her putt!

I watched her wind down, and it was hard.  She did not want to go, and I suspect she thought she had more work to do.  Two months prior, at Christmas, she was acting as hostess to all of the holiday visitors in her room, and just weeks before she died my husband visited her and showed her how to Face Time with our children and with me.  She squealed in delight.   Our daughter was scanning the NYC skyline from her office there and telling Grandma Ginny all about The Big Apple.  Mom was really excited by that because she had so many memories of spending time there with family during holidays past.

What I learned from my Mom was that anything is possible if you try hard enough.  You may have to alter the plan a bit, but you should stay true to your dreams and your direction.  I learned to care about others from my Mom, and I also learned the value of respect and dignity.  She taught me to diagram sentences and to write effectively, and I dedicated my first book to her.  She edited the church newsletter until she was in her 90’s, and she made sure that all of our childhood friends spoke proper grammar in her home — whether we liked it or not!

It was wonderful to watch my icon become an icon for others, and I was more than happy to share her.  There was enough to go around for all of us.

Bravo, Mom.  You did it all.  I miss you, but I also am you.  Thank you for everything.