Tune into VoiceAmerica Radio to Hear Me Speak about Best Friends at the Bar

Straight from Voice America on “Straight Up with Chris,” the radio show where I will be the guest tomorrow evening from 6 to 7 PM EST.

If the topics of work life challenges and finding success as women interest you, be sure to tune in or listen to the archived link that I will provide after the show airs.

Success is our goal!  Let’s learn how to achieve it!
Work-Life Challenges – Finding Success as Women
September 19, 2013

Today there is a constant struggle for women in the workforce; how to balance a career, time for family, and time for self. Embracing the fact that life is a constant juggling act is a good place to begin. It is critical for women to develop a personal definition of success. The absence of a clear understanding of what you want and expect in your career and family life, can cause constant frustration. Attorney Susan Smith Blakely is devoted to the concept of women helping women. She will discuss the unique challenges women face, and the best ways to navigate in male dominated professions, and will offer her opinion on the obligations and professional responsibility of women to support and mentor other women. Join us on Thursday, September 19th, at 3 PM PT–6 PM ET, to listen to her advice and ask her your specific questions.

Log on to Listen: www.voiceamerica.com

Questions? Comments? Call: 1-866-472-5788

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Voice America Radio Features Best Friends at the Bar

I will be the guest of talk show host Chris Efessiou on VoiceAmerica Radio tomorrow, September 19, from 6 to 7 PM EST on his weekly program “Straight Up with Chris.” Chris and I will be talking about “Work Life Challenges and Finding Success as Women.”

Tune in and call in questions and comments during the program on 1-866-472-5788.  You also can e-mail questions to the program at [email protected].

The program will air at 3 PM Pacific Time on September 19, and the live link to the broadcast is http://bit.ly/VAMlive.

Let’s talk success!  Hope to hear from you!

 

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Thought For The Day

We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.

Lloyd Alexander

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What Happens When You Opt-Out…..Really?

One of the major themes of Best Friends at the Bar is “Stay In”— as in stay in your profession, stay at your job and keep your options open for the time when your personal circumstances make it easier for you to devote more time to career.  I have been writing about it and speaking about it since my first book came out in 2009.  It is a different message than the “Lean In” message we have heard a lot about this year, and it certainly is a different message than give up and run in the other direction.

Unfortunately, that is what I have seen too many young women lawyers do over the years— give up and run as if there is no middle ground between Lean In and Opt Out.  I believe there is a middle ground that is based on Personal Definitions of Success and individual circumstances, and I have experienced it.  That middle ground can be part-time practice in a law firm, solo practice out of your home, alternatives to private law practice or a variety of other options that meet your personal and professional needs.  Many of those alternatives are explored through profiles of women lawyers in my book, Best Friends at the Bar:  The New Balance for Today’s Woman Lawyer.  It is all about what works for the individual lawyer and keeps her in a position to be able to resume her career full-time when the opportunity presents itself.

I have never advised opting out.  At the same time, I have not railed against it.  I am not in the business of judging values and other people’s decisions, but I understand the consequences of opting out.  I have heard far too many women regret leaving the work place, and I have seen far too many of them struggle to get back in after they have burned bridges and failed to tend their professional networks.  It is a struggle, and it can lead to disappointment and despair.

A recent article in the New York Times, “The Opt-Out Generation Wants Back In” discusses this Opt-Out/Opt-In phenomenon as it relates to women in the broader workplace.  Many of the examples cited in the article are of women, who left the workplace years ago and are now faced with divorce and the need to support themselves and others and who were personally dissatisfied with the consequences of their decisions.  The irony is that many of these women were part of a group of women, who gained attention in the early 2000s when they were considered “brave” to turn their backs on their jobs and professions to become stay-at-home moms.  They were referred to as the “Opt-Out Revolution”—highly educated, accomplished, well-paid professionals with high-earning spouses—-and Time magazine and “60 Minutes” heralded the advent of giving up “money, success and big futures” to be home with children.

How did this work out for them?  Stay tuned to my next blog and find out!

 

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Thought For The Day

When spider webs unite they can tie up a lion.

African Proverb

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Thought For The Day

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. … And you know what you know. You are the [one] who’ll decide where to go.
Theodor Seuss Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss

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The Power of Friendship

Here’s another thing that I learned on my August hiatus—–not learned really, but was reminded of yet again.  That is the power of friendships.

 

I had the privilege of spending time with old friends — walking the beach with some, telling silly stories that we all had heard a million times before with others, and enjoying being in the presence of people who mean so much to me and enrich my life.  I especially was reminded of this at a reunion weekend with 14 of my college sorority sisters.  We gathered on the shores of Lake Michigan to touch base, renew our friendships and form even more lasting ties.  We heard stories of happiness, stories of sadness, stories of accomplishment and stories of strength and fortitude in the face of daunting odds.  We showed our support for each other in both large and small ways, and we were reminded of what brought us together so many years ago.

 

Staying connected was not always easy for us.  When we graduated from college and were scattered to the four corners of the earth for job opportunities or to support an unpopular war, we forfeited our traditional way to stay in touch.  It was all telephone land lines in those days, so when we moved, we got new telephone numbers.  As a result, there were many years between land lines and cell phones and e-mail and Face Book when I literally lost my friends. 

 

Thankfully, all that has changed.  You—and I—-have the capability today to reach out to our friends in a matter of seconds, no matter where they are in the world.  We can catch up on lives that otherwise might have been lost to us.  That is a gift, and we should not take it for granted.

 

My friendships with women are particularly valuable for me.  Women supporting women is a key element in the quest for balance that I discuss in both of my books, and I speak about it often.  Women friends ground you, help you focus on what is important and pay huge benefits in your life. 


This same theme is evident in the lives of very powerful women.  When Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was gunned down in Arizona several years ago, her women friends—fellow Congresswomen— held vigil by her hospital bedside until she woke up.  They called themselves her “girlfriends”, and they did not let their celebrity profiles get in the way of their values.

 

I value my women friends, and I look forward to Book Club and other gatherings of women each month.  I have enjoyed working with women to support various charities over the years, and I love interfacing with so many women, young and older, through Best Friends at the Bar.  I also know that these friendships benefit me in ways that are not always obvious.  In “What are friends For?  A Longer Life” the New York Times reports that, in the quest for better health, many people overlook a powerful weapon that can help them fight illness and depression, speed recovery, slow aging and prolong life: their friends.  The article quotes a University of North Carolina professor on the role of friendships in our lives:

“In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. “There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.”

 

On the plane coming home from the sorority reunion, I sat next to a woman who told me that it is established that married men live longer than single men (presumably because of the support the married men get from their wives) and that women with women friends live longer than any other category.  She did not give me a source, so I cannot document it.  But, it makes perfect sense to me.  If that does not convince you of the power of women and their friendships, nothing will!

 

So, for fun, reach back in your life for a moment.  E-mail, text or call someone who was important to you but who has recently been lost in your life.  Or call someone who is still very much in your life just to say “hello and I am thinking of you.”  For sure, that person will have a better day, and YOU will, too.  Take the time, make the effort, and do yourself a big favor……….for your emotional well-being and for your health.

 

Just do it!  You will be happy that you did, and so will your cherished friends.  

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Remembering 9-11…. and the Lawyers

On this anniversary of the tragedy of 9-11, I am compelled to write to you.  I am now, and was then, a resident of the National Capital Area, and, as a result, I, like so many others in NYC and DC, was closely impacted by the events of that day.  At first, we thought that the attacks were limited to NYC, but we soon discovered that the Pentagon had been attacked as well.

On 9-11-01, I was the Chief of Staff in a political office in McLean, VA, within 10 minutes of the White House and the Pentagon.  I arrived in my office just before 9 AM and immediately after the first WTC tower had been hit.  I found our staff gathered in the conference room, in varying states of high concern that quickly turned to paralysis from fear.  They barely moved for at least an hour.  Our office was a branch of local government in VA that, in turn, was part of the DC Capital Area coordinated security effort.  Our phones were ringing, but no one could confirm anything at that point.

My husband Bill called me shortly after the first tower was hit.  He was in his car on the George Washington Parkway in VA driving to his law office in DC and listening to the radio, and he, the aviation crash expert and former fighter pilot, told me—long before the news media was reporting it— that he believed it was an act of terrorism.  In his opinion, under normal circumstances, it would be impossible for a plane the size of the one that impacted the first tower to get into NYC airspace without being detected.  He turned around on the Parkway, along with many others, and drove to my office to be with me, and together we experienced the attack on the second tower.  When we became aware that the Pentagon also had been hit, we thought of our friends and colleagues, who worked there.  Fortunately, we did not lose any of those people on that horrific day.

However, we had many friends who were intimately involved in the events of that day.  Most of them were lawyers, in many government roles and in private practice supporting some of those efforts.  That is one of the reasons I share this with you.  As lawyers, we have so many career paths to choose from.  In addition to private practice, there are many roles for lawyers in public service, and many of those jobs support national security.  Those are very important jobs, and I always give thanks for my fellow lawyers, who are working hard to make sure that our country is safe and that it continues to function for global good as a world leader.

That is what I love about being a lawyer.  When the responsibilities of private practice and my expanding family became too challenging, I was able to transition to public service and some of the most valuable and interesting work years of my professional life.  It was all a matter of addressing new opportunities and stretching my capabilities and learning new skills.  It worked for me and led to a very desirable reentry to private practice.

So, always remember the possibilities and the broad array of experiences that a law degree can present to you.  Also remember 9-11 and never forget those who sacrificed so much for our freedom.  I know I won’t.

 

 

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