I can’t resist sharing a blog, which appeared in Huffington Post yesterday. The author was responding to an article about why women over fifty are invisible. The author thinks it is hogwash, and so do I. One day you will be facing these choices, so pay attention. You must prepare early not to be invisible, whatever your age. It is all about attitude and self-confidence. Here are excerpts from the blog:
“The other day I stumbled upon an article in Salon written by Tira Harpaz. The author’s pedigree was impeccable: a graduate of Juilliard, Princeton University and Fordham Law School, a mother of three, and a former attorney who now runs a college admissions guidance business. You would expect a woman of this stature to write from a place of empowerment, would you not? Instead, she penned a piece called “Women Over 50 Are Invisible.” Harpaz writes that anyone can be made to feel invisible if they’re put in “the shoes of an over-50 woman,” and goes on to recount copious scenarios that have made her feel value-less, beginning when a younger man on a train shot her a disinterested glance.
The article was full of anecdotes like that, and the more I read, the more depressed I felt. I didn’t feel depressed because I related. I felt depressed because I loathe the power that stale older-women-are-invisible narrative wields. The writer should have been basking in the glow of a half-century well-spent, but she sounded more like someone in desperate need of Prozac. Here was a smart, accomplished woman who’d had the benefit of a five-star education and a brilliant career, whose self-worth had vanished with the advent of menopause. She writes:
Passersby would simply not see me when I walked down the street. People I met at parties would look slightly disappointed and then look past me, and gradually, I began to shrink inside.
I asked myself why I don’t feel invisible, at 52. I’m a financially stressed single mother who lives in an apartment, works a full-time job, a part-time job, and writes a blog. And yet I don’t feel invisible. I feel like I can compete with younger women for male attention and am surprised when I walk into a room and a man doesn’t look at me. I never wonder what’s wrong with me; I wonder, what the hell’s wrong with him?
So how did I miss this dismal memo? How have I reached the grand old age age of 52 still feeling desirable … in a far more durable and meaningful way than I did in my 20s? …
Shrugging off society’s death knell to mature women takes audacity, something every 50-plus woman needs if she doesn’t want to go gently into that good night. Feeling invisible stems less from one’s appearance, and more from the value we put on other people’s often shallow judgments of middle-aged women. I think it’s my refusal to listen to the messages telling me I’ve passed my expiration date, and my determination to create a brilliant second act, that makes me seem younger than my years.
And proudly, defiantly visible.”
So, there you have it. Hear, hear! I could not have said it better myself. There is a lot of life to be lived after 50 — I should know! Living it on your own terms is the key.
How long do you want to practice law — or reinvent yourself into another kind of practice or spin-off? I have done it so many times I cannot count them. I went from teacher to military wife to lawyer to public servant to author/speaker and more in between. Each iteration of my life has been interesting and exciting and full of promise. It is what you make it. The bedrocks of confidence and attitude will assure aging with grace and aplomb and wide-eyed wonder! Cultivate them now so that it will be second nature to you when the time comes.
And the time will come — yes, even to you. And you will be ready for it!
Bonne chance. I hope you have the ride of your life.
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